I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
