It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
