were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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