I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I smell stomach acid.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
