I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
