According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
