shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize