There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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