Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
