Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
