Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
