i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
