Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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