I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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