oh god the rape fog is back!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
