I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
