Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They took my balls.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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