My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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