Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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