she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I CAN MOONWALK!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
