Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
