The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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