I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
