Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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