He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
