just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
