Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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