am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every concussion has its silver lining
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
