I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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