and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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