Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
