I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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