So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
