Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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