They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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