they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
