I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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