I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize