I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
