I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
