Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
