a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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