I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
