why didn't you poke me back
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
