Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
