I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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