At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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