are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
