I'm jealous of your bromance
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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