I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
