You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
