Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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