Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
