IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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