you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
