every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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