Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i already hear my dad disowning me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
