just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
