Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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