We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
