i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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