remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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