You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
