and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
