if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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