I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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