So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
