glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well you can't waste a boner
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
