I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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