GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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