My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize